Thursday, January 14, 2010


It was probably 2-3 months ago that it happened. I started to doubt God, and was wondering if I really was a Believer. I am really attached to my laptop. So at that time I didn't care about anything. Television, reading, music, food, family, life, and my laptop. That is a list of stuff that I enjoy. All I wanted to do was to sit on my bed in the morning and cry until night. I cried to the point my eyes started hurting.

I was so mad at myself that I wanted to punish myself and God so I threw my Bible in the trash. Later that day, my brother went to take the trash out, and the bag was unusually heavy. So Mom went through the trash, and found my Bible but she didn't tell me.

On a Wednesday, Mom decided that I needed to get out of the house. So she and I took the family van to a restaurant. Pulling off our road, Mom turned on a Christian radio station. I started crying because I was hearing about God. While we were eating I asked Mom if I could go to youth group that night so I could talk to my youth pastor. I got to talk to him after the service. He said he had a similar problem. And he prayed for me. That night, while I laid in bed with tears in my eyes, I thought about the journey of the day. I realized that I felt a lot better. I asked God for forgiveness, and told Him He can have complete control of my life. And asked Him to use me to glorify Him.

The next day, I counted my money. I had enough to get a new Bible. So after lunch, I wrote a note to Mom saying that I wanted to get a new Bible. That night I stuck the note on her bedside table.

The next morning she never spoke of the note. So, I was worried that the note might of got knocked off her table. So, I asked about the note. She went to her room, and grabbed my Bible and came to the living room where I was waiting. She said that she was waiting for the right time to give it back to me. She gave it to me. I thanked her and hugged her.

Now thinking back to that main struggle of my life, I know it was test of my faith. I know that my faith in Him is stronger than I could ever imagine.

"...Stop doubting and believe." John 20:27 (NIV)

"Your word, o LORD, is eternal: it stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalm 119:89, 90 (NIV)


Thelema said...

Interesting posts you have, though I think Christianity is dead and will be redeemed and brought to fruition and perfection through Thelema. Check out my blog at if you will. Love is the law, love under will. ;)

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